Usually called the doctor. Or the caretaker.

Beef stew:

500g beef shank
4 small yellow potatoes
1/2 medium yellow onion
3 ribs celery
3 medium carrots
double handful small white mushrooms
4 sprigs fresh thyme
4 leaves dried sage
3 cloves garlic
salt, pepper, worcestershire
450ml beef broth
enough water
a little olive oil
(you could also add wine, though I don't for obvious reasons)

Chop onion and garlic and saute in olive oil until transparent and browning. Add beef shanks and brown a bit on both sides. Deglaze pan with broth, add water. Bring to a boil, turn down and simmer. While this is happening, scrub (but don't peel!) and dice potatoes into spoon-size pieces and chop celery and carrots; add to pot. Wash and stem mushrooms; add caps to pot. Chop stems and add to pot. Crumble leaves of sage and add. Drop in stems of thyme. Add salt, generous drizzle of worcestershire, pepper. You could probably add a bay leaf or allspice or something here, but I didn't. You will probably have to add a bit more water; this is a very crowded stew.

Let it boil for a while, stirring and tasting. Adjust spices if necessary.

At the appropriate time, pull the beef shanks (or all the bits if they've already fallen to pieces) out, swish them gingerly to free them of veggies, and put them on your cutting board. Pull apart and dice the meat, pushing all the gristley and fatty bits to one side. Be sure to poke the marrow out of the shank bones if it hasn't already fallen out. Add all the meat back to the stew. Reserve the fat and gristle (washed!) to give to your or a friend's dog. Pop the shinbones off the shanks and give the shanks to someone with a tiny dog. Discard the shinbone bits; they'll choke a dog. (And don't give shank sections to a big dog unless they are big shank sections! No choking of dogs allowed!)

Serve with sourdough bread.

(If you are making this without shanks, potatoes, and mushrooms--I think it takes all three to actually thicken the broth without flour--you'll need to thicken the broth with a flour/water mixture or with cornstarch or arrowroot or some such to keep it from being too watery.)