Usually called the doctor. Or the caretaker.

No, not that kind of found; I have not become a freegan.

1 can of chickpeas, drained and rinsed
a good handful of kalamata olives, painstakingly pitted
a shallot, diced
2 jalapenos, finely sliced (one red and one green, though this is not mandatory)
enough capers
salt and pepper
1 lime (hard, but again, this is not necessary, and probably suboptimal)
olive oil
tahini

Drain and rinse the chickpeas and let them sit in the strainer while you pit the olives, dice the shallot, and chop the jalapenos. Put them all in a bowl together and stir them around some. Salt and pepper them. Put a good amount of olive oil and a good spoonful of tahini in a jar with a lid together, cap it securely, and then shake it really hard. You could add the juice of a lime now, but I like to do it later because then you know for sure how much you're putting in. Pour the result over the chickpea-olive-shallot-jalapeno salad and stir it around. Taste it and think. Juice the lime into the same shaking jar and shake it again to get the last of the olive oil and tahini mixture, and then pour it carefully, tasting, over the salad and stir it in. Add the capers, taste, and ponder whether you need more salt and pepper. If you do, add them.

Give it a good stir and then gobble it. Wish you had had some fresh parsley. Drink a lot of water, what with the jalapenos and shallot. Feel completely vindicated about the absolutely horrific morning breath you'll have by how tasty and good for you it is.

If you are me, you will eat half of it for dinner and save the other half (despite the horrible breath issues and the teaching) for lunch tomorrow.