noveldevice | (no subject)

A local cat who had been distracting his owner from her studies with repeated demands for attention discovered today that not all touch is good touch. The cat, who followed up an intensive campaign of running around their shared apartment meowing loudly and crashing into things with meaningful claw-stropping on the scratching post placed near his owner's desk and then leaping into his owner's lap and refusing to settle down, found himself abruptly upended and his claws ruthlessly clipped.

"I couldn't believe it," said Miles, age 13, who has been living in Vancouver nearly a year after moving here from Kansas to follow up on a lap vacancy. "I barely dug my claws into her, and I certainly didn't actually sharpen them on her new leather desk chair. I have more respect than that. I just informed her what could happen if my every whim were to suddenly stop being her command." The tabby was completely unprepared for what happened next.

"She laid violent hands on me. That's all I can call it. She just grabbed me, produced a vile implement, and began hacking at my claws." Although his owner was careful not to clip the quick and cause bleeding, and did not put the cat in any stress positions, the tabby asserts that it may have been torture. "I definitely felt terrified and helpless," Miles is on record as saying. "I don't want to say for sure that I will be speaking to a lawyer about this violation of my civil rights, but I think there is a good chance, particularly if I don't receive an apology and unlimited access to her lap for at least the next 72 hours, that I will pursue litigation. This just shouldn't happen in a civilized country."

His owner was unavailable for comment.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

OMG LOL TO THE NTH DEGREE.

Ooh, I even have a better icon.

That is indeed an awesome icon!

That would be the traumatised feline himself. :P

Nearly monorail cat read that over my shoulder and was absolutely horrified.

It's shocking. I won't be surprised when the blogosphere picks it up.

My internets is full of win today. Thanks for contributing to it.

I'm surprised he didn't demand unlimited access to tuna. Samael did, after he recovered from the trauma of being brutally held down and similarly tortured this weekend.

I top my cats pretty much weekly - they don't like it, but they've become accustomed to the routine; I always reward them with petromalt afterwards (fish flavor if I can find it)...

The sad thing is that I have been clipping Miles's claws every week or two, in exactly this same manner, for the last thirteen years. Yet it comes as a horrible shock every time.

Cats.

Michi would like to express his horror at Miles' experience. He is outraged that this sort of thing can take place. As he has 2 dead mousies, he is giving Miles one.

Oh the horror! LMAO, now that was a great "news story". Icon = *love*