Entries tagged with abuse

From

silk_noir:

Patrick Stewart on the legacy of domestic violence.

Everyone should read this.

Most abusers seem perfectly nice to strangers. Many of them have admirable qualities that leave their families at sea--how do you respect and emulate the good qualities while still holding them accountable for the fact that they are hurting the people they ought to protect?

How do you deal in later life with the fact that as a child, the examples you were given for adult behaviour were inappropriate or even twisted?

And how do you deal with the fact that in many cases, the default position of the people around you--except the people who've been there, the fellowship of the broken--is that you should focus on the happy memories, or that violence and abuse are private matters that shouldn't be spoken of?

I am really glad that Patrick Stewart has spoken out, and so eloquently. No shame. But most of all, no silence.

Incidentally.

My sister asked me last week if I tell people about being abused.

I said "Well, it's not the first thing about me people generally hear, but if it comes up or they ask a question, I don't lie or avoid it. It may be a big thing, but it's just a thing. I won't lie and anyone who wants me to is wrong to ask it."

She said "But how do you know when it's okay to talk about it?"

I said, "A friend of mine has a userpic about being an abuse survivor--sexual abuse, but I think it applies. It says 'No pity. No shame. No silence.' And that's how I feel. No pity. No shame. No silence. Because you know, you don't need pity. You didn't do anything wrong, you shouldn't be ashamed. And most of all, you shouldn't be silent, because that does a couple of bad things. It lets people pretend that abuse isn't a problem. It lets abuse go on happening. And it lets people maintain the illusion that abuse doesn't happen to people they know, and that if it does happen, it's someone else's problem."

There was a pause, and I realised my sister was crying.

She's 26 years old. She's only recently started to admit to other people--and thus to herself--that we were abused.

Whom does silence serve?

It serves abusers. It serves the people around the abusers who know it's happening and do nothing. And it serves all the people who want to pretend abuse doesn't happen, or isn't that serious, or is a private matter.

It has not served my sister. It does not serve other young men and women who ask themselves what's wrong with them that they aren't okay about being abused rather than what's wrong with their abusers or the people who turned their backs and didn't stop it.

So that's why: that's why I talk about it, and that's why I'm not going to stop. And that's why I'm not going to lock this.

(no subject)

Abuse and silence